I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
