I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
