I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
