I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
