Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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