My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
