careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
