We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
