That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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