I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
