She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
