I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
