Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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