The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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