What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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