i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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