We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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