I need to stop coming to work sober
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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