Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
