There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
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