I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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