So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
