Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
