if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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