I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
