I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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