Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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