This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i drank out of a bidet.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
