I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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