the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Randomize
