yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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