oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Randomize
