you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So many bounce houses so little time
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
