Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize