I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
