Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
