More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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