If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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