everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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