I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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