so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
