he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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