Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
