i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
