my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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