some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
