You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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