Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
