You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
