I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
