Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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