At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
