I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
