I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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