If i come over, it means nothing
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
