Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
