where am i from again
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
