if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yo dont text me then not text me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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