She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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