I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
