just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
