So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize