just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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