He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
