Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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