I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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