morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
