she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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