Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
