I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
